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Communication p.11
One of my friends had a girlfriend with a Hotmail e-mail account. He set up a new e-mail account and the name he selected was an exact duplicate of her name except with one letter missing. He then sent an e-mail to another person with whom he suspected she was having an affair. He simply sent one sentence on her behalf, “Hey Richard, my computer just crashed and I deleted all your e-mails from the past year, so can you send me them because I want to keep them?” Guess what happened? Sure enough, what came back in the e-mail was heartbreaking electronic documentation that confirmed his suspicions that she had been unfaithful.
With instant messaging and e-mail, the game of intentional mistaken identity looms large over both the work and personal landscape. I met a venture capitalist whose company did not have the exact web address that his company’s name would logically own, and he said that the other “Frank” at the company, who actually owned the web address was receiving tons of unsolicited business plans. The VC’s response: “Good. I could never read them all, anyway.”
Lesson: When someone contacts you for the first time, always confirm it is indeed the person he or she claims to be. And always be very careful of the reply button, because some e-mail programs make it easy to confuse “reply” with “reply all.”
The Office Romance p.117
In Early 2000, I traveled to Westminster, Colorado, with several members of Active’s senior management team. We were there for a tour of the company we recently acquired, LeagueLink.com, servicing Little Leagues and other team sports. Jon Belmonte, one of the LeagueLink.com’s quirky founders, assembled his staff of 40 in a conference room and introduced us to everyone.
After introductory comments, he then asked another: “How many people are related to someone else in this room?” The other half of the room raised their hands. This was a very, very tight-knit company, I thought.
As a self-professed workaholic, I see the basic logic in workplace romance, but I’ve also seen its downside. Cupid’s arrow can strike an emotional bull’s-eye or cause a gaping wound. Workplace romances aren’t a distraction so long as they bring with them harmony and remain positive. When they turn tumultuous, a lovers’ quarrel can affect the morale of entire divisions of companies. This is why people often frown upon workplace romances.
Then there’s sex. You can’t prohibit sex from consenting partners who are colleagues, (will we ever see a new hit television series called “Desperate Wives in Business Development”?) Think about it. Being in close proximity with the opposite sex eight hours a day is probably more time than one will spend with one’s spouse. There’s even a term for female assistants to male bosses; they’re called “work wives.” This relationship can be entirely platonic, emotionally intimate, affectionate, and is just like a real marriage without the sex, kids, and mortgage.
At Active, I have had the privilege of watching romances bloom between colleagues. In fact, I often joke that we have had more workplace marriages at Active.com than found at eHarmony.com. (The original founder of match.com started his online matchmaking service because he couldn’t get a date.)
Scott Curry was one of the founders of a company we acquired; he was a genius and a critical ingredient to the early success of Active, and began to date a sales manager. They soon became viewed as one, not just to each other but to the entire office. It was as if their identities had merged. When others asked about either one of them, it was always, “Have you seen Scott and Kathy?”
Large firms have organization charts and this too often shapes the social hierarchy of a company, and that can unfortunately impact the romantic possibilities within the workplace. In romance, you at least hope that you can operate on an equal basis. But at work, someone is almost always above or below the other person and this can add layers of complexity that a relationship simply does not need. Plus, it can create resentment among the office ranks if say, the $200,000 salaried senior executive is taking long, leisurely lunches with the $40,000 HR assistant.
If you start dating someone in your company, the office rumor mill could chew the relationship up and spit it out before it even gets off the ground. Or it can inhibit or accelerate career advancement for either party. It all depends on how others view your private life, now no longer private. It’s difficult to hide a relationship in the workplace anyway. (Should there be a new kind of legal document between consenting partners called the RNDA- the romantic non-disclosure agreement?)
Romance is about building trust, affection, and harmony between two caring people. If romance creates stress, conflict, and distractions in the workplace, then you need to weigh the benefits of love against its cost in impaired productivity. If you are the boss or a senior executive, this trade-off shouldn’t be minimized. You don’t want to engender hostility and resentment among employees.
I have seen it happen in another company. A co-founder of an advertising agency was dating someone in accounting. He was in his forties, married, and had two young girls. She was in her early thirties and unmarried. They tried to carry on their affair secretly. But after several months it leaked, and when it did, their romance wreaked havoc in the office, leading everyone to take sides. The women were especially bitter. The men were more indifferent. Eventually, she left the firm because the situation became intolerable for everyone, while he stayed on. And now that their romance was fully out in the open, he left his wife and moved into a small apartment. His wife filed for divorce. Several months later, the affair ended. But people at the agency, especially the women, still treated him like poison and didn't want to be around him. The entire affair was more than a time-consuming distraction. It turned co-workers against each other.
Also, what can look like an office romance brewing in the eyes of the hunter and be sexual harassment in the eyes of the prey. Michael Crichton explored this theme in his book, Disclosure, which was later made into a movie. Power can be a mighty potent aphrodisiac in a coed work environment.
Lesson: The workplace may be an optimal place to start a relationship in our attention-deficit corporate environment, but you should be committed to transitioning the romance within several months if it turns really serious. And by transitioning, I mean changing either roles or jobs, or setting very clear work and life boundaries.
A further challenge to workplace romance is the fact that many people end up using work as a cover for an affair. Integrity is one of the essential ingredients to business success, so if you're married and having an affair, you don't want to start the rumor mill spinning or have colleagues start questioning your judgment; you'll no longer be trusted.
If you start a small business with your husband or wife, then remember the increased stress from work can easily carry over into your romantic relationship. You need a break from work, and if your significant other is always with you at work, then you need to set up safe zones, or places and times at home where you cannot mention work.
On the bright side, when considering the challenge of dating, where do you want to meet the person of your dreams? On the Stairmaster at the gym, in the cereal isle at the supermarket, at a night club or perhaps at the stoplight late at night, when looking out the window to the car next to yours, you silently ask yourself, “Could this be the one?” Workplace romances will always have a place in our world; we just have to handle them maturely and with honesty.
The Delivery Room p.66
You can attend business school, receive an MBA, and then read thick textbooks on advanced management techniques. But you will seldom encounter this critical element of the Attention-Deficit Workplace, you must be adept at telling people what you are going to do and then actually do what you say. It’s doubly important that you track and communicate what you are doing. Why? Given the high incidence of blame-placing and credit taking present within corporate culture, you must make sure the organization gives you credit when that credit is due.
Managers have just enough time to check what they are expecting from you. Beyond that, they don't really want to interact. This is also why, when you enter into any situation with a manger, do not simply outline a problem without suggesting two or three solutions. People don't want to hear about problems without solutions.
The real secret to managing expectations? You set other people’s expectations. So set them correctly, without breathing room. At the end of the meetings when colleagues are expected to take action steps, ask them to repeat their “deliverables,” or what is expected of them and when.
I’ll never forget one of the most effective phone calls I ever received. It was from Scott Lange, a superb manager and sales executive in New York City. He was working with the New York Marathon on a detailed proposal from Active. At one point in the conversation, he said, “Mitch, just to be sure, have I provided you with everything I said I would? And, more important, everything you were expecting from me?” His words made me realize why he was so successful- he carefully tracked everything he committed to doing.
I also know that when I call or e-mail Active's IT manager, Chad Smith, he will return my call or address the issue within a few hours, if not in a few minutes.
Then there are the flakes. They never deliver on their promises. I was in the process of getting a non-profit company off the ground called Project Active, which was designed to help disadvantaged kids in war-torn countries through sports. I hired a part-time assistant for the project who interviewed extremely well, but then she disappeared. It was actually entertaining. She would tell everyone that she would be at the office, and then never show up. We used to make bets whether she would make it. In two weeks, she came into the office four days. No one heard from her when she left. She still has a binder with some important photos.
Lesson: Manage other people’s expectations very carefully. If you can’t deliver on all your promises, immediately contact the person who has an expectation of you and level with them. Set expectations below what you expect to deliver. In your Attention-Deficit Workplace, tell people what you are going to do, then do it, track it, and then tell people what you did. It really is that simple. In the expectations delivery room, it’s your baby.
The Driving Force p.35
My sister Stacy loved bunnies. She raised them while growing up. Dad would spend weekends building her hutches that looked more like the Four Seasons than rabbit cages for the little white and brown fluffy animals she so adored. Due to Mom’s influence, she also loved gymnastics, reading, horses, and life. She also loved listening to Rick Springfield. As teenagers, we took swimming lessons together at Longshore Club Park in Westport, Connecticut. She was beautiful with a wise-beyond-her-years moral code, and she always knew what was right and what was wrong.
These childhood memories hovered just below the surface when, during a business school panel presentation to close to 100 people at The University Of San Diego, someone in the audience asked me what motivates me to do so much- train for triathlons, teach at the university, become a serial entrepreneur. I paused to reply. Then, for the first time in my life, I uttered out loud these words, with a voice that was strong and clear: “When I was 14 years old, my sister died in my arms. She was 16.”
The room went silent. My heart trembled. I waited a bit, then continued. “My sister Stacey had bone cancer that spread to her lungs. I was trying to resuscitate her, to help her breathe, but my CPR efforts weren’t working. When your sister and best friend dies in your arms, something in your own life short circuits. Or rather, you suddenly become aware of new realities.
“For some, tragedy leaves them stuck in a pattern of prolonged sadness. For me, Stacey’s death locked me on a different track. Through the sadness of loss and an acknowledgment of my own mortality, I found motivation and passion to live each day to its fullest.
“When life disappears in front of you, it’s very big, and it’s very real. I had to grow up pretty fast after that. The loss of my sister set me on a course to make the most of this very short trip here on earth.”
Glancing around the room, I saw faces looking back at me with understanding. And then, the oddest memory suddenly flashed before me: My sister and I were hiding beneath her bed during a thunderstorm when we were very young. As the sky boomed and shook with fury, she comforted me with these words: “Mitch, it’s okay. Don’t be afraid. The storm will pass. All storms do.”
Lesson: Wake up. You might have either a dream job or a nightmarish job. Either way, acknowledge where you are and who you are working with. If you’re not content, rethink your priorities and ambitions. If you’re wasting your time or your attention, then start investing it wisely. Your last day here could be tomorrow or it could be 50 years from now, but it will come. My sister Stacey gave me on of the greatest gifts of all: the gift of perspective.
Click here to order your copy.
Communication p.11
One of my friends had a girlfriend with a Hotmail e-mail account. He set up a new e-mail account and the name he selected was an exact duplicate of her name except with one letter missing. He then sent an e-mail to another person with whom he suspected she was having an affair. He simply sent one sentence on her behalf, “Hey Richard, my computer just crashed and I deleted all your e-mails from the past year, so can you send me them because I want to keep them?” Guess what happened? Sure enough, what came back in the e-mail was heartbreaking electronic documentation that confirmed his suspicions that she had been unfaithful.
With instant messaging and e-mail, the game of intentional mistaken identity looms large over both the work and personal landscape. I met a venture capitalist whose company did not have the exact web address that his company’s name would logically own, and he said that the other “Frank” at the company, who actually owned the web address was receiving tons of unsolicited business plans. The VC’s response: “Good. I could never read them all, anyway.”
Lesson: When someone contacts you for the first time, always confirm it is indeed the person he or she claims to be. And always be very careful of the reply button, because some e-mail programs make it easy to confuse “reply” with “reply all.”
The Office Romance p.117
In Early 2000, I traveled to Westminster, Colorado, with several members of Active’s senior management team. We were there for a tour of the company we recently acquired, LeagueLink.com, servicing Little Leagues and other team sports. Jon Belmonte, one of the LeagueLink.com’s quirky founders, assembled his staff of 40 in a conference room and introduced us to everyone.
After introductory comments, he then asked another: “How many people are related to someone else in this room?” The other half of the room raised their hands. This was a very, very tight-knit company, I thought.
As a self-professed workaholic, I see the basic logic in workplace romance, but I’ve also seen its downside. Cupid’s arrow can strike an emotional bull’s-eye or cause a gaping wound. Workplace romances aren’t a distraction so long as they bring with them harmony and remain positive. When they turn tumultuous, a lovers’ quarrel can affect the morale of entire divisions of companies. This is why people often frown upon workplace romances.
Then there’s sex. You can’t prohibit sex from consenting partners who are colleagues, (will we ever see a new hit television series called “Desperate Wives in Business Development”?) Think about it. Being in close proximity with the opposite sex eight hours a day is probably more time than one will spend with one’s spouse. There’s even a term for female assistants to male bosses; they’re called “work wives.” This relationship can be entirely platonic, emotionally intimate, affectionate, and is just like a real marriage without the sex, kids, and mortgage.
At Active, I have had the privilege of watching romances bloom between colleagues. In fact, I often joke that we have had more workplace marriages at Active.com than found at eHarmony.com. (The original founder of match.com started his online matchmaking service because he couldn’t get a date.)
Scott Curry was one of the founders of a company we acquired; he was a genius and a critical ingredient to the early success of Active, and began to date a sales manager. They soon became viewed as one, not just to each other but to the entire office. It was as if their identities had merged. When others asked about either one of them, it was always, “Have you seen Scott and Kathy?”
Large firms have organization charts and this too often shapes the social hierarchy of a company, and that can unfortunately impact the romantic possibilities within the workplace. In romance, you at least hope that you can operate on an equal basis. But at work, someone is almost always above or below the other person and this can add layers of complexity that a relationship simply does not need. Plus, it can create resentment among the office ranks if say, the $200,000 salaried senior executive is taking long, leisurely lunches with the $40,000 HR assistant.
If you start dating someone in your company, the office rumor mill could chew the relationship up and spit it out before it even gets off the ground. Or it can inhibit or accelerate career advancement for either party. It all depends on how others view your private life, now no longer private. It’s difficult to hide a relationship in the workplace anyway. (Should there be a new kind of legal document between consenting partners called the RNDA- the romantic non-disclosure agreement?)
Romance is about building trust, affection, and harmony between two caring people. If romance creates stress, conflict, and distractions in the workplace, then you need to weigh the benefits of love against its cost in impaired productivity. If you are the boss or a senior executive, this trade-off shouldn’t be minimized. You don’t want to engender hostility and resentment among employees.
I have seen it happen in another company. A co-founder of an advertising agency was dating someone in accounting. He was in his forties, married, and had two young girls. She was in her early thirties and unmarried. They tried to carry on their affair secretly. But after several months it leaked, and when it did, their romance wreaked havoc in the office, leading everyone to take sides. The women were especially bitter. The men were more indifferent. Eventually, she left the firm because the situation became intolerable for everyone, while he stayed on. And now that their romance was fully out in the open, he left his wife and moved into a small apartment. His wife filed for divorce. Several months later, the affair ended. But people at the agency, especially the women, still treated him like poison and didn't want to be around him. The entire affair was more than a time-consuming distraction. It turned co-workers against each other.
Also, what can look like an office romance brewing in the eyes of the hunter and be sexual harassment in the eyes of the prey. Michael Crichton explored this theme in his book, Disclosure, which was later made into a movie. Power can be a mighty potent aphrodisiac in a coed work environment.
Lesson: The workplace may be an optimal place to start a relationship in our attention-deficit corporate environment, but you should be committed to transitioning the romance within several months if it turns really serious. And by transitioning, I mean changing either roles or jobs, or setting very clear work and life boundaries.
A further challenge to workplace romance is the fact that many people end up using work as a cover for an affair. Integrity is one of the essential ingredients to business success, so if you're married and having an affair, you don't want to start the rumor mill spinning or have colleagues start questioning your judgment; you'll no longer be trusted.
If you start a small business with your husband or wife, then remember the increased stress from work can easily carry over into your romantic relationship. You need a break from work, and if your significant other is always with you at work, then you need to set up safe zones, or places and times at home where you cannot mention work.
On the bright side, when considering the challenge of dating, where do you want to meet the person of your dreams? On the Stairmaster at the gym, in the cereal isle at the supermarket, at a night club or perhaps at the stoplight late at night, when looking out the window to the car next to yours, you silently ask yourself, “Could this be the one?” Workplace romances will always have a place in our world; we just have to handle them maturely and with honesty.
The Delivery Room p.66
You can attend business school, receive an MBA, and then read thick textbooks on advanced management techniques. But you will seldom encounter this critical element of the Attention-Deficit Workplace, you must be adept at telling people what you are going to do and then actually do what you say. It’s doubly important that you track and communicate what you are doing. Why? Given the high incidence of blame-placing and credit taking present within corporate culture, you must make sure the organization gives you credit when that credit is due.
Managers have just enough time to check what they are expecting from you. Beyond that, they don't really want to interact. This is also why, when you enter into any situation with a manger, do not simply outline a problem without suggesting two or three solutions. People don't want to hear about problems without solutions.
The real secret to managing expectations? You set other people’s expectations. So set them correctly, without breathing room. At the end of the meetings when colleagues are expected to take action steps, ask them to repeat their “deliverables,” or what is expected of them and when.
I’ll never forget one of the most effective phone calls I ever received. It was from Scott Lange, a superb manager and sales executive in New York City. He was working with the New York Marathon on a detailed proposal from Active. At one point in the conversation, he said, “Mitch, just to be sure, have I provided you with everything I said I would? And, more important, everything you were expecting from me?” His words made me realize why he was so successful- he carefully tracked everything he committed to doing.
I also know that when I call or e-mail Active's IT manager, Chad Smith, he will return my call or address the issue within a few hours, if not in a few minutes.
Then there are the flakes. They never deliver on their promises. I was in the process of getting a non-profit company off the ground called Project Active, which was designed to help disadvantaged kids in war-torn countries through sports. I hired a part-time assistant for the project who interviewed extremely well, but then she disappeared. It was actually entertaining. She would tell everyone that she would be at the office, and then never show up. We used to make bets whether she would make it. In two weeks, she came into the office four days. No one heard from her when she left. She still has a binder with some important photos.
Lesson: Manage other people’s expectations very carefully. If you can’t deliver on all your promises, immediately contact the person who has an expectation of you and level with them. Set expectations below what you expect to deliver. In your Attention-Deficit Workplace, tell people what you are going to do, then do it, track it, and then tell people what you did. It really is that simple. In the expectations delivery room, it’s your baby.
The Driving Force p.35
My sister Stacy loved bunnies. She raised them while growing up. Dad would spend weekends building her hutches that looked more like the Four Seasons than rabbit cages for the little white and brown fluffy animals she so adored. Due to Mom’s influence, she also loved gymnastics, reading, horses, and life. She also loved listening to Rick Springfield. As teenagers, we took swimming lessons together at Longshore Club Park in Westport, Connecticut. She was beautiful with a wise-beyond-her-years moral code, and she always knew what was right and what was wrong.
These childhood memories hovered just below the surface when, during a business school panel presentation to close to 100 people at The University Of San Diego, someone in the audience asked me what motivates me to do so much- train for triathlons, teach at the university, become a serial entrepreneur. I paused to reply. Then, for the first time in my life, I uttered out loud these words, with a voice that was strong and clear: “When I was 14 years old, my sister died in my arms. She was 16.”
The room went silent. My heart trembled. I waited a bit, then continued. “My sister Stacey had bone cancer that spread to her lungs. I was trying to resuscitate her, to help her breathe, but my CPR efforts weren’t working. When your sister and best friend dies in your arms, something in your own life short circuits. Or rather, you suddenly become aware of new realities.
“For some, tragedy leaves them stuck in a pattern of prolonged sadness. For me, Stacey’s death locked me on a different track. Through the sadness of loss and an acknowledgment of my own mortality, I found motivation and passion to live each day to its fullest.
“When life disappears in front of you, it’s very big, and it’s very real. I had to grow up pretty fast after that. The loss of my sister set me on a course to make the most of this very short trip here on earth.”
Glancing around the room, I saw faces looking back at me with understanding. And then, the oddest memory suddenly flashed before me: My sister and I were hiding beneath her bed during a thunderstorm when we were very young. As the sky boomed and shook with fury, she comforted me with these words: “Mitch, it’s okay. Don’t be afraid. The storm will pass. All storms do.”
Lesson: Wake up. You might have either a dream job or a nightmarish job. Either way, acknowledge where you are and who you are working with. If you’re not content, rethink your priorities and ambitions. If you’re wasting your time or your attention, then start investing it wisely. Your last day here could be tomorrow or it could be 50 years from now, but it will come. My sister Stacey gave me on of the greatest gifts of all: the gift of perspective.
Click here to order your copy.
posted by Mitch Thrower at 10:04 PM
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